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| Jessica Ramsey Golden |
I’m working on a ridiculous
novel.
novel.
It’s so ridiculous, it’s
embarrassing.
embarrassing.
It’s so ridiculous I wouldn’t
tell you the premise, even if I didn’t already have a general policy against
discussing my WIP.
tell you the premise, even if I didn’t already have a general policy against
discussing my WIP.
But if I did tell you the
premise, you’d roll your eyes. Or do that restrained brow lift that people do
when they’re trying not to laugh in your face.
premise, you’d roll your eyes. Or do that restrained brow lift that people do
when they’re trying not to laugh in your face.
It’s so ridiculous that three
months and 40,000 words into it, I hit a Wall of Ridiculousness.
months and 40,000 words into it, I hit a Wall of Ridiculousness.
My lit degree, my inner
editor, and the words “serious writer” became anchors and pulled me to a full stop.
I scrapped the whole thing.
editor, and the words “serious writer” became anchors and pulled me to a full stop.
I scrapped the whole thing.
But the characters followed
me around, saying and doing interesting things, damn them, and I eventually
pulled the novel out again.
me around, saying and doing interesting things, damn them, and I eventually
pulled the novel out again.
This fixed not one sliver of
my block.
my block.
So I mucked around with the
story. Half-hearted mucking at that. Not even mucking. Dinking. And there’s
nothing’s worse than dinking around with a story.
story. Half-hearted mucking at that. Not even mucking. Dinking. And there’s
nothing’s worse than dinking around with a story.
My creativity, even my joy in
writing, had been waterlogged by that which destroys both joy and creativity –
fear.
writing, had been waterlogged by that which destroys both joy and creativity –
fear.
I wasn’t afraid of writing
badly, or of getting the story wrong. Those are craft issues and can be
addressed. I was afraid of getting it completely right, and failing by default.
badly, or of getting the story wrong. Those are craft issues and can be
addressed. I was afraid of getting it completely right, and failing by default.
I was afraid of writing a
book I could never share because it is too ridiculous. I was afraid of pouring
my heart and soul into stories that are stupid. I was afraid of looking
foolish.
book I could never share because it is too ridiculous. I was afraid of pouring
my heart and soul into stories that are stupid. I was afraid of looking
foolish.
Remember in adolescence when everyone had some kind of
obsession? Pokemon. Backstreet Boys. Titanic. Whatever.
obsession? Pokemon. Backstreet Boys. Titanic. Whatever.
When you’re a kid, you’re
allowed to spaz out over things you love.
allowed to spaz out over things you love.
Then you become a Grown Up.
You get a Job. Spazzing out is Uncool.
You get a Job. Spazzing out is Uncool.
I never stopped spazzing out.
I only got better at pretending I wasn’t excited about the things I love.
I only got better at pretending I wasn’t excited about the things I love.
And my new project is a total
spaz out. It is a bizarre and ridiculous mixture of a bunch of my obsessions.
spaz out. It is a bizarre and ridiculous mixture of a bunch of my obsessions.
Then two things coincided
that slowly started to clear the fog of ego from my silly, pride-addled brain.
that slowly started to clear the fog of ego from my silly, pride-addled brain.
First, I got hooked on
Breaking Bad.
Breaking Bad.
There’s nothing special about
a Breaking Bad binge. (In fact, if you’re one of the 5 people on planet earth
who has not binged on it, stop reading this and go binge this very instant.
We’ll see you in three weeks. You can thank me then).
a Breaking Bad binge. (In fact, if you’re one of the 5 people on planet earth
who has not binged on it, stop reading this and go binge this very instant.
We’ll see you in three weeks. You can thank me then).
One day, mid-binge, I was
explaining to a friend how the show is just like Shakespeare. It’s Macbeth with
meth.
explaining to a friend how the show is just like Shakespeare. It’s Macbeth with
meth.
My friend’s response was,
“Maybe. But the entire premise is just ridiculous.”
“Maybe. But the entire premise is just ridiculous.”
I opened my mouth to counter
her. But before the first word of defense had formed on my lips, I realized,
she was absolutely right.
her. But before the first word of defense had formed on my lips, I realized,
she was absolutely right.
The premise of the show is
ridiculous.
ridiculous.
As I simmered over this in
relation to my creative quandary, the second thing happened. It came from one
of those great practitioners of dis-inhibition, a four-year-old.
relation to my creative quandary, the second thing happened. It came from one
of those great practitioners of dis-inhibition, a four-year-old.
My daughter fell
irretrievably, endlessly, and passionately in love with Queen.
irretrievably, endlessly, and passionately in love with Queen.
The rock band.
Yes. That Queen.
I began to measure driving
distances by how many listenings of Bohemian Rhapsody we would get
through.
distances by how many listenings of Bohemian Rhapsody we would get
through.
I planned extra time between errands
for re-dressing her in her coat, boots, hat or any other article of clothing
she may have “rocked” off of her body.
for re-dressing her in her coat, boots, hat or any other article of clothing
she may have “rocked” off of her body.
And I tolerated it with
utmost patience. After all, she’ll have her whole adulthood to hear people tell
her not to spaz out over something she loves.
utmost patience. After all, she’ll have her whole adulthood to hear people tell
her not to spaz out over something she loves.
But after listening to Bicycle
Race 4,000 times in a row, I can personally attest that Queen is the most
ridiculous band in the history of ridiculousness. Freddie Mercury was a spaz,
and one glorious to behold.
Race 4,000 times in a row, I can personally attest that Queen is the most
ridiculous band in the history of ridiculousness. Freddie Mercury was a spaz,
and one glorious to behold.
Here’s what I learned:
Every obsession has the potential to be creative fuel. The
object of obsession is compelling beyond rationality, because the beholder sees
in it something meaningful. Something personal.
object of obsession is compelling beyond rationality, because the beholder sees
in it something meaningful. Something personal.
No wonder spazzing out over
something you love is uncool.
something you love is uncool.
“Cool” people must defend
themselves from vulnerability with apathy.
themselves from vulnerability with apathy.
Cool people do not make art.
So I am giving you permission
to be ridiculous. You don’t need permission. From me or anyone else. But if it
helps you at all, take it.
to be ridiculous. You don’t need permission. From me or anyone else. But if it
helps you at all, take it.
Spaz out. Look foolish. Fuel
your passions with your obsessions. Be ridiculous.
your passions with your obsessions. Be ridiculous.
Or if you would have it from
weightier minds than mine, take whichever of these you please, write it on your
walls. Then go create.
weightier minds than mine, take whichever of these you please, write it on your
walls. Then go create.
“All great deeds, all great
thoughts have a ridiculous beginning.” Albert Camus
thoughts have a ridiculous beginning.” Albert Camus
“Yell. Jump. Play. Outrun
those sons-of-bitches. They’ll never live the way you live.”
those sons-of-bitches. They’ll never live the way you live.”
Ray Bradbury
A long-time Alaskan, Jessica Ramsey Golden attended the University of
Alaska Anchorage, serving on the staff of The Northern Light as a writer and
editor. After graduating with a BA in English, she moved into the
not-for-profit sector, working in public relations, technical writing and,
currently, event management. Golden’s poetry has appeared in such journals as
The William and Mary Review, Orbis International, Calyx, and Cirque. In 2006
she was awarded the Eleanor B. North Poetry Prize. In 2009, she received an
Individual Artist Award from the Rasmuson Foundation. In 2011, she began
writing fiction. She is currently drafting a ridiculous science fiction
project, while seeking representation for her literary Gothic novel, “The
Hidden Door”.
Alaska Anchorage, serving on the staff of The Northern Light as a writer and
editor. After graduating with a BA in English, she moved into the
not-for-profit sector, working in public relations, technical writing and,
currently, event management. Golden’s poetry has appeared in such journals as
The William and Mary Review, Orbis International, Calyx, and Cirque. In 2006
she was awarded the Eleanor B. North Poetry Prize. In 2009, she received an
Individual Artist Award from the Rasmuson Foundation. In 2011, she began
writing fiction. She is currently drafting a ridiculous science fiction
project, while seeking representation for her literary Gothic novel, “The
Hidden Door”.
As someone who is currently writing a possibly ridiculous novel that involves, in part, a very, very old woman falling in love with a robot, and who will someday resurrect an old draft of a manuscript involving Annie Oakley, time travel, and revenge, I loved this post! (Ridiculous obsessives unite.)
I love this! Just shared it on Twitter 🙂
Thank you, both. And this is reassuring from you, Andromeda. Because you and those boxes of Asimov's are partially to blame for my current sci-fi frenzy.
Jessica: Terrific post. I really enjoyed it. And really, where would we be without the ridiculous? So many ideas are "ridiculous" until someone finds some profound truth buried in the middle of all of it. Give me the ridiculous over the trite any day. Thanks for the post.